Hope

Dear Hope,

Let's get together.  The sooner the better.

I seem to be a little short on you in some specific areas lately and I don't like it.

I'm trying to do the whole "remember" thing, because that can help put things into perspective for me and remind me that suckiness* usually ends at some point.

Remembering gives me hope.

But this is hard.

So, I'm remembering the time that I was laying in bed as a six-year-old after watching Bambi convinced that my Mom had died on her way home from a meeting because I knew she was later than she said she'd be.  Turns out she didn't and she wasn't.  Who knew that I was still ironing out my time-telling skills?

Or I'm remembering my first time on a roller coaster when my 8-year-old brain had no hope that the rickety wooden coaster car I was in would hold me in going down that big hill.  Turns out I was wrong and it did. (as an aside: the jury's still out on some roller coasters, especially mobile carnival ones ...). 

I'm trying to remember the number of times when a friendship or relationship seemed irreparable, because there had been too much hurt.  Turns out it wasn't.

So, I'm trying hard to exercise the work of remembering.  Of calling to mind the ways that God has brought me through.  Mmm, no I don't like that phrase, actually.  I think back to these few (somewhat lame, I know) examples and the plethora of others, and I realize that God didn't just bring me through - he made it new.  Maybe even better. 

Even though it seems easier (and perhaps more logical) to believe things like: "run now! avoid more pain!"  and "people don't change - you're kidding yourself!", I'm trying to remember that God doesn't necessarily do the easy or the logical.

But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for (whose hope is in**) him, to the soul who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:21-25

So, here I am. Making a conscious decision to remember the times when I thought you were gone, but weren't. To wait for the Lord, because he is faithful and my source of hope.

Here's hoping,
Julie

*I don't like the work "suck" or any of its derivatives, but sometimes it just seems the most inappropriately appropriate.
**Different version, I forget which, but I like holding the two next to each other: reminds me that "hope" and "wait" are often related.