Grad School

Dear Grad School,

Hmm where to start…

I love you. I loath you. You allude me. You overwhelm me. I idealize you.

Okay. I should clarify.

I’m not so much talking about you as much as I’m talking about the idea of you. We’ve never actually met, so I really can't speak from experience.

Anyway, due to interaction with “the Covenant” as most in it call it (wow that sounds creepier when actually written down, like we’re all going to go drink some grape juice together or something…) and North Park University, I’ve come to be skeptical of you. It seems in some cases you’re just a convenient and familiar next step for recent college grads who don’t know what else to do. I find this especially hard to swallow with seminary, because, you know shouldn’t the stakes be a little higher there? In my idealistic mind, the copious amounts of money and time that you required should not be taken lightly, and should be held in a certain level of reverence. Instead, in this day and age of directionless grads and a poor economy – you seem to be a really good option for those who, well, need an option.

Do I sound critical? I thought so. And you know what they say about criticism....


Well ok I don’t really know what “they” say about criticism, I just know myself well enough that most of the time my criticism is actually rooted in ... jealousy.

Ugh. Yes, I admit it. I’m not proud, but this is a safe place, right? (of course it is – it’s the internet!) Please no judgment...

Anyway, back to you. Mostly, I write this letter as an official goodbye. At least for now. I'd been hanging on to the idea of you for about 18 months, deferred enrollment once, and have (finally) given word that I won't be attending this fall. Not surprising, just sad. I'd found that I had put off the decision of officially saying "no" because I like the idea of you and I desperately want to go back to school. I knew you weren't going to happen - at least this time around - but I certainly liked hanging on to my acceptance letter and putting off sending the official "no". But alas, the time had come: I can't live in limbo, I had to make the decision.

I hope we meet someday. I actually pray for that. And maybe then I'll be eating all my jealousy-rooted judgmental words.

See you soon,
Julie